Just a Little to Late to Feel This Way

And I know that this is just plain fair because I treated you the same way. But I wasn’t ready, I think of that as a good reason. And now I’m too late. I’m so ready though. I’ve come back to you, with open arms and a clear heart. I’m ready to see what you can do. I want to know If I can make you smile the way I used to. I just couldn’t handle you before. I didn’t know what to do with you because we were both in a mess. It was bad timing. And now… although it seems to be the right time for me, it is not the right time for you.

For almost a whole year you have been here for me and I was never fully there for you.
That is why you are so great. I didn’t want to listen to what you had to say because I was so afraid. And even though I’m even more afraid now, I know this is what I’m feeling. There is nothing that can stop me from it.
I have never craved to talk to you this much before. Falling so quickly
There was one time when you were so willing to keep me together, to hold onto me and care for me like none other has cared for me before. I denied it. I disqualified your emotions. Now I constantly wonder what things would have been like.

Your Game

I can just remember you faintly
You were a grinner and a rebel
You were as slick as the devil

So you slipped right through my fingers
Even while my feelings still lingered
Somehow when you were so near
I still needed you here

When I hold on to you
When I let you go
Nothing makes a difference
We’re always at our distance

I remember your words
Wishing me well in this world
You were clever and innocent
But you never said what you meant

You slip right through my fingers
And still my feelings linger
Somehow while you’re so near
I still need you here

I’m lost beyond your thoughts
I was tricked into a game
And even though it’s over
I still feel I’m the one to blame
Though I am not ashamed of myself

When I hold on to you
When I let you go
Nothing makes a difference
We’re always at our distance

I remember you as you are now
So much you have changed
Oh how this makes my heart deranged
For you could never be the same
And I will never forget your smooth game

So you slipped right through my fingers
Even while my feelings still lingered
Somehow when you were so near
I still needed you here

Nature vs. Nature

I witnessed the last leaf
Swaying slowly to the cold ground
Made it through fall
Managed through winter, not a sound

I expected the leaves to spread
Upon the trees, inside your head
But all trees die
Yeah, this one is dead

I saw each branch crumble
Every piece falling apart
Hoping to see spring again
Prepared for a steady start

I expected the leaves to spread
Upon the trees, autumn red
Though all trees die, can this one really be dead…

Forgive me nature, I must be wrong
For going against you
When I knew you were that strong

We have stumbled
The growth was fumbled
That tree knew all too well
Partly ready
So quickly it fell

Intefering Thoughts

i find my peace within myself

never easy, always possible

when i lay down, i think for a moment

and even hours

i wonder, i wonder

and i really need to wander

i realize anything that’s happened

mostly the disappointing events

often the mistakes

and then throw it away from the mind

but tomorrow, i’ll regret all over again

yesterday was different than today

it always is

i could replay the same day

but it would change

maybe i would frown

or i could laugh hysterically

it’s only what i make it

when we have interferences

all we have to do is pass through them

but we easily let them get to us

perhaps we let them ruin our day

when all that’s needed to be done is to forget

and forgetting has been forgotten

but tomorrow i see a change

i see my friends smiling

i see my sisters hugging

i see my dogs jumping

and i know, i could have it that way

so i must stop wondering about what it could be

and i must start thinking about how it can be

Patience

Where a rose does not last
We soon withered too
I was told you wouldn’t leave
I had every right to believe

But changes took their space
And I suddenly lost my place
In silence, you took steps further away

I will never regret
The way you made me smile when I didn’t want to
I will never forget
The promises you made to come true
Maybe patience will get me back to you

Where did the feeling go…
I must be alone with thinking it’s alright
Cause if I ever pull you back into sight
Would you ever be the same with me…

It’s only what we make it
Can’t we make it, meant to be

I’m just not ready, I never was
I must have thought you were someone else
But I don’t need something new
That’s why I had you
So patience, I will wait on you

My One Hold

I searched for the good in this
I hoped for someone to just come along
But it’s all that I wish for
To have you back in my sight
The feeling you gave me felt so right

Thinking I could leave it all behind
How impossible it now seems
If only this reality could be a dream

I do this to myself
There’s no one else for me
I want you to see
You’re all that I can find
My one hold

I learned that you’re done
I hope for you to just come along
There’s no point in me hiding it
When it was never hidden before
To be honest, it’s you I still adore

I appreciated your words
I believed your promises
Then you took them away
You thought I could forget
But I just prayed you would stay

I keep running back to you
And I know you’re so through with it all
But for some reason
You’re the person I miss the most
You are my one hold

Catastrophe

How come you never notice anymore
You used to show up at the door
I got so used to seeing you
You’re never where you used to be

You should be around
We shouldn’t have to wait to know
Cause I’m missing your Hellos
While I remember your Goodbye
I’m losing who I want to be
Now that you are over me
Welcome to my catastrophe

You were the one I knew
The only one, I still dream of you
Because even just the thought of you
Would never be enough

Catastrophe, why can’t you just leave
This isn’t helping me
When this is done
When you’re filled on your fun
I will abandon you, dear catastrophe

Why do I struggle here
How come you’re never near
This is how I’ve been changed
But is it for the better

Cause I never fell so hard
I’d never hit the floor
For anyone but you before
I want to be who I was
Instead of who I’ve come to be
Now that you’ve forgotten me
This is my catastrophe

Honestly, Still

So long a time I’ve waited
Just for you to know
The things I wanted you to hear
Already we had to let go

Everything really happens in the blink of an eye
Even apprehension passes
Sometimes we say goodbye

For the most part
I really need to say…

Being with you, it couldn’t get better
Hearing your voice, you made me feel better
You, studying my eyes, I would never look away
You, leaving my life, it only took one day

So short a time we’ve wasted
The feeling was good and strong
You were needed just as much as I
There was no where we went wrong

I wanted you to be different
Now I know you are
You cared so many ways
It cut so deep, our hearts

You were hurting just as bad
We both became so mad…

Being with you, it couldn’t get better
Hearing your voice, you made me feel better
You, studying my eyes, I would never look away
You, leaving my life, it only took one day

I know it hurts
I went through with it too
When you loose someone so dear
You know they’re still near
You want to reach out
You’ll face what you fear
But find there’s no way…

You, studying my eyes, I would never look away
I would never leave, I’ll always stay
It couldn’t get better to be with you
The promise I make, this is the truth

things he never said

wow.

where do i even begin? if you really think about it, most of all of this started out with lies anyway. or things i couldn’t tell other people.

“can you promise to be honest with me?”

“of course!”

hah, what a fool i am. where was the actual break off. it wasn’t a break up. come on…age 14 doesn’t give you that. now i’m 15 and i’m still stuck at that same night. i promise theres someone way freakin better than me. oh yeah, thanks for making me feel like thats so true. i would love to know and believe that its true. so maybe some of the things you did say were true.

you never said, “i do not like you anymore”, or, “i do not feel the same way about you any longer”. how nice it would be to hear you say something like that. it’s funny that you haven’t been into girls since our thing. maybe you’re gay now. nah, you’re not. i pray you’re not that emotional. what was it that truly bothered you? you simply cannot miss someone so much to the point where you feel it’s upsetting to talk to them anymore. i rather believe most people like to have something they can miss. isn’t it nice to want something…yes…it is.

i’m over you.

i miss our friendship though. that’s my concern. but i need to be happy that you are enjoying yourself finally. that’s all that matters. keep me in your memory, pal. it’s always good to see an old face every once in a while.

Obvious Smile

She wore that old sweater
She wore those boots
No matter what the weather

She didn’t care what other people thought
She liked almost anything that she got

Her family was big
Her house was small
She stood right up
After any fall

She wore that obvious smile
For the boy across the street
He wore what he could
And ate whatever there was to eat

She put on her sweater
She put on her boots

He saw her through his sweat
He’d been running all afternoon
He caught one last glance
And walked into his room

She woke up the next morning
She dolled herself up
Maybe today
He would ask her what’s up

She wore that obvious smile
When he came up to her
It was almost too amazing
That it was all a blur

They grew older
As friends they remained
And now he finally sees her
Through the rain

She wore that old sweater
She wore those boots
She wore that obvious smile